Inner Peace Is For Losers

We have a new story up at Variant Frequencies called Naught But Ash, written by me. This story was in issue #1 of Murky Depths, that cutting edge spec fic and comic journal out of the UK. I strongly suggest you check it out. The first issue is available if you'd like to see this piece with its accompanying artwork by Christian Ward. Murky Depths has featured the work of quite a few artists by now, but I think the illustration for Naught But Ash was one of the best.

So give the audio version a listen, and then go see what Murky Depths has to offer.

Holy smokes, no entries for June at all. I've been neglecting Inner Peace.

The weight has been steady for a month now. I'm undecided on whether to settle here, which is about 4 pounds from my goal, or work harder and get it kickstarted again. Why quibble about 4 pounds? On the other hand, I thought maintenance would be more of a shift. I often still feel like a fat person. I still look at food as a comfort thing. At times I obsess on food, think I'm hungry when it's really something else, and am too susceptible to suggestion. Not always happy with how I look. Maybe it'll always be a struggle.

Now I'm going to be vague, and I apologize for that. I've had to let go of something that was once really important to me. It's a huge disappointment. Sometimes I deal with it by telling myself it wasn't what I thought it was, after all, so the loss doesn't seem so big. So focus has shifted, and for the most part it's a good thing.

Writing is going slowly. I'm working on a short piece for an anthology. It's taking time, but I have time so it's cool. I have a stack of slush to wade through, and appreciate Terry Martin's patience. It's getting harder to be personal with the rejection notes, but I try. Sometimes just can't: there's nothing positive to say. Harsh, I know.

Son Neil is no longer a teen. I teased him that he still seems 12. Daughter Rowan is off to music camp. She's such an independent kid in most ways. We had a great time shopping this week. Hint for parents of teenage girls: summer is a great time to look for fancy dresses. It's after prom season and stuff is on clearance. We got some great deals.

There was this dude, fortyish, sitting next to me near the changing rooms. He was there with a considerably younger woman, and she was trying stuff on and showing him. Some of it was quite provocative. I wondered if he was her dad at first, but most dads wouldn't have gone for some of the stuff she was modeling. Anyway he started commenting on Rowan, how this or that dress looked on her, suggesting she'd look good in blue, asking what color her eyes are.

It was a little creepy.

Anyway I'm grateful for closeness with my kids. Really enjoying their company. Hope we've done things right.

Wow, it's been quiet around the ol' blog.

I have a new story up at Variant Frequencies. It's called Penny Ante, and I'm pretty happy with it. The story came out of my years working at a Veteran's Hospital, many years ago. I was inspired by the guys I knew there, men who are long gone now. There was a man who loved to talk about Pearl Harbor, and there was an Ohio Kid. I'll never forget them. I hope we get better at taking care of soldiers and former soldiers.



On the health front, I had a physical this week. My doc is plenty happy about the weight loss and resulting improvement in general health. She accused me of trying to put her out of work. I laughed. I have a few tests next week, some routine stuff and some not, but I'm hopeful none of it is serious. I continue to (slowly) drop weight, total now 45 pounds.

I'm addicted to Adam Lambert, and can't wait to hear his first record. I'm not usually (read: ever) this invested in American Idol. There's a lot wrong with this show, or any other "reality" show. But this dude is something special, the more I see the more I like him, and I wish him the best. I caught him on VH1's Best Week Ever and he's got comic chops too. As if looks and pipes weren't enough.

Today is the big day, though Space Grunts has has been available at Amazon for a little while now.



Ain't that sweet? There's my name right there on the cover. There's a story by me and good buddy Jason McDowell inside. I'm very proud of the whole thing.

Here's how it went. Invited by daytonward (thanks, Dayton!) Contacted Jason and asked him to work with me. Tossed ideas back and forth until we had a plot and a main character. This was one of those stories where the names suggested themselves, which I appreciate very much, by the way. Other characters grew in the actual writing. Jas invented Mac and Doc, and I came up with Twitch and King, as I recall. We shot emails back and forth, as Jas lives one state over, writing and editing. And then we shipped it off to Dayton.

He said yes.

This is a big one for me. I have had stories in print, but not in a book, so it's quite a thrill.

I also have a new story up at Variant Frequencies. The title is Penny Ante. and it's about a poker game in a very unusual place: a hospital morgue.

The inspiration for this was the real men I knew when I worked at my first job as a nurse: the Veteran's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I knew these guys and others like them. I just hope I did them some justice.

Weight Watchers™ update: another pound gone, total now 44. I'm getting close to the goal, and looking forward to switching to maintenance mode.

Pleased to note that Adam Lambert is in the finals of American Idol. (Yes, I watch AI. Don't judge me.) I really love the guy's voice, his range is just sick, and the passion with which he sings. And he is so damn easy on the eyes. Adam FTW!

One more pound gone, total now 43.

I'm up to running/walking at 2 1/2 minute intervals each. It kicks my ass, but I'm doing it. The best news of all is my labs, though. You know those Cheerios commercials, where the claim is that you can reduce your cholesterol by a small percentage or a few points? I beat it down. I dropped it by more than 50 points. My A1C continues to be good, and triglycerides also dropped a bunch. Fasting blood sugar is a little higher than I like, but still not in the "diabetic" range.

This was really the whole point, right? Nothing to do with vanity. Mmhmm.

So what else is new?

Issue #8 of Murky Depths, for one. Chock full of comics, prose, poetry, and art from some of the most talented folks on the planet. Check it out, order one, subscribe.

Another 1, total 42.

I had labs this morning to look at the A1C (diabetes) and cholesterol stuff, so with that out of the way I took the day off, so to speak, and relaxed a bit. Instead of running, son Neil and I took a long walk in the woods with the dog. She loves exploring, splashing through the swamp, and running around the trees.

I didn't go crazy with food, but I made some cookies and had a few. Quick, easy recipe: take a box of cake mix, any flavor is fine but white, yellow, or chocolate are probably most flexible. Add 1 egg, 2/3 cup mayonnaise, and 1/4 cup water. Mix, and then add in whatever suits your mood. I used butterscotch chips and chopped pecans. Yummy! All sorts of possibilities. Bake at 375º for 8-10 minutes.

We also watched a movie (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, pretty good) and waxed his hair. We've recently done his hair into dreadlocks. It's a very involved process, and maintenance in the early going means wax and palm rolling. (In case you're wondering, they're clean.)

Back to work tomorrow.

Spring has arrived, with the usual crazy weather variations. One day it's almost 80º, the next it's freezing. But we've had rain and warmth, so the outdoors is greening up. Last fall I bought some daylillies for a spot in the front yard, from a clearance table at a garden center. (More about clearances later.) They were pretty dead looking, but the guy at the store thought they'd be okay. It was also late in the year to be planting them, but I put them in the ground and hoped for the best. I also bought a couple more this spring, and planted those, too. After 6 months of winter, I'm delighted to see they are all growing. I'm looking forward to pink and purple blooms, though probably not this year.

Since I'm close to maintenance now with the weight loss process, today seemed like a good day to look at my wardrobe. Forty pounds makes a significant difference in sizes. Mixed feelings! I'm happy to be in this position, but really detest waste. Especially wasted money. Fortunately, I hardly ever pay full price for clothes. Clearance racks are my friends. Even so, I now have a stack of items that are too big, and if I persevere, will remain so.

I found some jeans on the clearance rack at Kohl's this morning.

One more pound gone, total now 41.

What this means is that I am now no longer in the realm of the overweight. I am officially normal. Normal is not something I usually aspire to, but in this case, it's pretty damn cool. Also maybe a bit of a surprise to anybody who saw me last year.

Also saw in daytonward's blog that Space Grunts is a real book, as he saw it in person at Starfest in Denver over the weekend. Contributor copies are said to be en route. I'm excited.

All in all, a good week.

I just heard on the news that Mark "The Bird" Fidrych has died. He was found on his farm, under his truck. He was 54 years old.

Fidrych was a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, and rookie of the year, in 1976. He was a terrific pitcher, but what really set him apart were his antics on the mound. He would get down on his knees and "manicure" the pitcher's mound to his liking. He talked to the ball. He was tall and lanky and the way he moved reminded some of Big Bird, which is where the nickname came from. It was so much fun to watch him that he became a media star. How many baseball players make the cover of the Rolling Stone?



Unfortunately, injuries ended his career the following year, but Tiger fans never forgot him.

We've been given the word: we can now tell the world.

Coming soon from Flying Pen Press: Full Throttle Space Tales #3, Space Grunts. Check out this cover.



Is that cool, or what?

The book is edited by daytonward, best known for his Star Trek novels. The full lineup is here and yes, that's my name in that list! My good buddy Jason McDowell and I wrote a story called Flashback which was accepted for this anthology. Jason is a terrific writer, and has real war experience from his tour in Iraq. We came up with a piece about a former soldier who goes on the run for murder, and winds up in a mercenary team on a far distant colony planet. We were happy with how it turned out, and apparently so was Mr. Ward.

Really looking forward to getting my hands on this.

One more pound gone, total now 40.

That's really weird to think about. Just a few months ago, I was carrying around forty pounds more than I am now. Try lifting that. It's a lot.

Running is going pretty well. I'm building slowly, and son Neil is going with me. It's great encouragement and incentive having him along. The only downside is waiting for him to get up and get moving. No 7 am workouts for this kid.

In Idol news, my boy Adam Lambert wowed with "Mad World" last night. He sang it at the high end of his range, and it was gorgeous. While the other folks have good nights and bad, Adam is always spectacular. Really looking forward to hearing what he does next.

New story live on Variant Frequencies: Under the Bed by Michael Natale. We've featured Natale's work before: The Rut in October of 2007 and Firstborn in May, 2007. Welcome back, Michael! This is a very cool, very creepy piece about the monster under the bed, told by the monster.

Guest reader for this story is Michael A. Stackpole. If you've never heard him, you're in for a treat. His voice is deep and mesmerizing, and it works perfectly for this story.

The bread mentioned in the last post was a huge success. I'm very pleased. Recipe here.

Down another 2 pounds. Total now 39. I started running today, something I haven't done in years. There's a program at my hospital training people to run, and they start by alternating 30 seconds of running with 4 1/2 minutes of walking, and build from there. I figure I can do that. Not paying for the program, though.

I'm trying a new bread recipe today. The usual ingredients but it's done a little differently. No kneading. You mix it up a bit wetter than usual, just a little yeast, and then you let it rise for at least 12 hours. This slow process is how the gluten (Yes, gluten. I'm back) strands are formed. Handling is minimal. It's then baked inside a closed container, like a dutch oven. The steam in there makes for a nice crisp crust and chewy inside. I'm looking forward to the results, said to be delicious.

Speaking of delicious, I have a confession. I watch American Idol, religiously this year. I've followed it off and on over the years it's been on. I remember the whole Justin and Kelly thing, less so Ruben and Clay. The Fantasia year I didn't watch at all. They got my attention in season 4 again. I kinda dug Bo Bice. Then Chris Daughtry in season 5. 6 and 7 were fairly meh, nobody for me to really get behind.

So now it's season 8. I don't watch the audition shows, because they're painful. They seem to delight in showing the godawful performances and the snickering comments of the judges. Humiliating. I missed Hollywood Week too, where they weed out the worst and narrow down the talent by having them sing alone, a capella, and in groups. Then I started watching.

Here's the delicious part. There's this guy named Adam Lambert. Is that not gorgeous? I don't usually like the emo 'do, but it really works on him. I saw him do the Stones' "Satisfaction," and holy cow. He works the crowd, he works the camera, he swaggers and struts, he hits this ridiculous high note, and then he takes it even higher. I'm hooked.

I find his initial audition video. He says he's gonna do Bohemian Rhapsody. This is usually a huge mistake. Anybody remember the redhead guy a few years ago? But Lambert starts, and in a few lines he hits it out of the ballpark. Now I'm looking forward to the next week. They're doing Michael Jackson songs. Adam is the last one up, and he does Black and White. It's magic, man.

The next week is country & western. I'm not much into C&W, but I'm really curious, so I tune in. Mostly it's not really memorable, but about halfway through Adam Lambert comes on. He does a strange, middle-to-far eastern flavored Ring of Fire. It's sexy, passionate, even desperate. I'm thinking, oh, man, this is not going over well with the Grand Ole Opry folks. He starts off softly and then builds, til his notes are soaring and then he takes them falsetto.

I loved it. Reaction on the web has been strong: either love or hate.

I don't know if he'll win this season, but I don't think it matters. He's getting massive attention. He's set. I'm thinking it's not a good year to be an American Idol contestant if your name isn't Adam Lambert.

Don't judge me.

New story up at Variant Frequencies. It's called Prisoners and it was written by me. It's yet another in the Amarant series, a collection of stories about immortals.

This is the first one not told from the point of view of the immortal. This time the speaker is a scientist who has spent her entire career hidden away in a secret compound (sort of an Area 51 for immortals) studying a man who has not aged at all in the 40 years she's known him.

This one is voiced by a local pro, Marilyn Taylor. She's seen and heard in our area doing commercials, and she graciously agreed to lend us her talent. Thank you Marilyn, and also thanks to Chuck Tomasi for the introduction.

Art and production by our own multitalented Rick.

Give a listen, leave a comment.

One more pound, total now 36.

Definitely not doing this wheatless thing more than a month. It's not difficult, and it's been fun trying new stuff, but there are things I miss. And I don't really feel any better off wheat. It's also been a rough week for exercise, mainly because of March weather. 60 mph wind gusts are not conducive to long walks.

Now, a word about synopses. I used to really sweat writing them. In my role as an editor I've seen quite a few. Apparently there's some confusion out there about what a synopsis really is and how to write one. I suppose I can only speak for myself, but when I say "synopsis" I don't mean "teaser."

I don't want "What evil lurks in her basement...and in her soul?" I want "When a young widow investigates a strange noise in her basement, she battles the mummified corpse of her husband, whom she had murdered and buried there exactly a year before."

Well, no, maybe I don't want that either (cuz it sucks) but you get the drift. Don't try so hard to impress. Just tell me what the damn story is.

The scale is once again on the move. 1 pound gone this week, total now 35.

I did some reading on weight plateau, cuz that's how I roll. It's a very mixed bag of ideas out there. It may be because you're not trying hard enough: do more. It may be because you're trying too hard: do less. Do something different. Keep doing the same thing.

I changed things up a little. I am (short term) trying the gluten-free thing as my doctor suggested, though I have doubts about that theory, too. I'm finding it's not terribly difficult, but it is definitely more expensive. For example, I bought some Bob's Red Mill gluten-free flour, a 22 ounce bag, for almost $5. Compare that to a 5 pound bag of wheat flour, which costs less. It's also possible to get pasta, crackers, bread, and cereal sans wheat, but they are mostly costlier than their wheat counterparts.

Of course, there's more to this than just finding wheat substitutes. It's been interesting trying out new things that don't involve flour, for example. I tried some soup at a local cafe made from sweet potatoes and peanuts. Very good, and also suits daughter's vegetarian diet. I found many recipes for this online, and tried it over the weekend. Easy and tasty. I'm focusing more on fruit, veggies, and protein.

I'm also doing more on the exercise front, cuz apparently walking the dog for two miles over snow and ice isn't enough, oh no. I'm doing things with weights and some core strengthening stuff.

Onward.

New story now live on Variant Frequencies. This one is called Gill Bando, written by D.M. Moehrle.

This is a very cool story. Matt Wallace sent it along to us with his recommendation. He and D.M. are friends going back a long way. I confess I was a little nervous about the subject matter at first, but the more I read the piece, the more I loved it.

Jan Dalton lends his unique voice and considerable talent to this reading. Jan has appeared before on our little podcast, notably as The Maven in the Failed Cities Monologues by Matt Wallace. His voice is perfect here.

Production as always by Rick Stringer.

Give us a listen and leave a comment.

No change again in the weight. Is this le plateau of which I've heard so much?

I saw my doctor yesterday. She's very pleased with my progress and the improvement in the labs. She acknowledged that the cholesterol still needs some work, but thinks that if I get my weight down more, it'll take care of itself.

I mentioned le plateau, and she had some thoughts on that. She asked me to try a celiac diet, which means gluten-free. Which means no wheat. (My daughter said "You need to find a new doctor.") It's crazy. Read labels sometimes. It's really tough to find things at the grocery store that are wheat free. Try wheat and sugar free. The grocery store we frequent has a small gluten-free section, and it has children's cereals, for example. Loaded with sugar.

The doc has a theory. She thinks many of us have a mild allergy to wheat, and the body responds with cortisol. Too much cortisol has some negative effects related to blood sugar and insulin, among other things. Perhaps avoiding gluten for a while will get me off the plateau.

I'm game.

If anybody has ideas or tips related to weight plateau or eating gluten free, I'd love to hear from you.

No change in the weight this week.

I had the labwork done yesterday: the tests I've been working toward for months now. I got a chance to have a look at them.

A1C is normal. YAY! This is great news on the diabetic front. Triglycerides are also in the "normal" range. Cholesterol is a little high, and I think the HDL-LDL thing is still not at the proportions you want to have. There really isn't anything more I can do, dietary wise. I hope this doesn't mean pills.

I see my doc next week, so we'll see.

Note: also covers being tagged for the 7 things meme by wndrwolf quite a while ago.

1. Almost drowned as a kid, and as a result
2. Still afraid of deep water.
3. Noted my first gray hairs at age 22
4. Stopped coloring them a couple of years ago.
5. Raised Catholic, in recovery
6. but had both kids baptized. You know, just in case.
7. Both kids weighed more than 9 pounds when they were born. Yeah, ouch.
8. No sissy c-section for me.*
9. But I'm fond of babies
10. Which is why neonatal is my favorite area to work as a nurse
11. If I have to be a nurse, that is.
12. I can get an IV in the tiny vein of a 4 pound kid. I haz skillz.
13. I wear glasses that correct for myopia, presbyopia, diplopia, and astigmatism. I suppose this means that contacts are out of the question.
14. Have lived in Michigan
15. California
16. and Illinois.
17. Why'd I come back to Michigan? Oh yeah...family.
18. I think my ideal climate would be the Pacific Northwest or New Zealand.
19. These MI extremes are for...somebody else.
20. Cat person
21. and dog person. Birds, rodents, and fish need not apply.
22. Still dislike exercise.
23. If I could get fit by eating bon-bons and relaxing with a L&O marathon, that would be heaven.
24. <-- is my favorite number
25. Purple has always been my favorite color.

* Just kidding. C-sections aren't for sissies.